If there ever was a movie that just should never have been made it's Scary Movie. The entire concept is completely flawed, how does a spoof of a spoof actually work? Unfortunately no one behind the film itself can answer that question and hence we get the mess that so many people have been flocking to the cinema to see.

The film follows the "Scream" storyline for the most part, adding in "jokes" along the way and parodying "I Know What You Did Last Summer", "American Pie", "The Blair Witch Project" and "The Matrix" along the way.

The "Scream" Trilogy was bad enough and I'm reliably informed the two "I Know What You Did Last Summer" flicks are just as terrible. Surely when designing a spoof you should choose a subject matter that is actually worth "spoofing" so to speak? "Scream" if it had been marketed like this would have been an excellent "Scary Movie" - it was just funny and was in no way a horror film, exactly what this film is supposed to be but isn't.

Everything is just so cliché - there is nothing here that you haven't seen a million times before. The opening sequence is the same as in the first "Scream" film - the girl in the house making popcorn and she gets the phone call asking whether she likes horror movies. She proceeds about talking to the unknown guy on the end of the phone, farts (everybody laugh now) and eventually gets in a panic because the guy can see her. She runs about, the Killer chases her - he bangs into furniture etc. (laugh again) and eventually she gets outside the house. Here confronted with a couple of signs pointing different ways - one leads to safety and the other to death, obviously she chooses death (come on laugh man) and the killer chases her (again). Eventually he catches up, stabs her in the silicon implant (which gets stuck to the knife) and she runs into the path of her father driving home - he runs her down, end of opening sequence.

The rest of the film is along the same "comic" grounds, entirely unfunny - you have to wonder how much effort was put into the writing of this film. Quite frankly myself and a couple of mates could bang out a much funnier storyline in an afternoon such is the quality of the script.

It's just plain awful, if you have never seen a spoof before you'll be rolling about the floor in laughter but everyone else will wonder why they wasted their money. The fact that I can't find anything interesting to say about the movie shows just how terrible "Scary Movie" is, usually when writing pieces I have to cut them from my original versions - not this time, four bananas. Go see Snatch instead.

//agi. [agi@fsmail.net]